I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people living above me are furious.

I'm reading a book on the history of extinct species... It's riveting.

Why did the hipster fall into the lake? He went ice skating before it was cool.

Why did the ocean break up with the pond? It just needed more space.

I tried to organize a hide and seek competition, but good players are really hard to find.

I'm trying to write a joke about construction, but it's still under construction.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough doughnut jokes.

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I'll clean my room tomorrow...said the perpetual procrastinator.

Just because I'm a musician doesn't mean I'm always in tune with things.

I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.

Why doesn't the sun go to college? It already has a million degrees.

Why can’t you trust a burrito? It tends to spill the beans.

Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a chocolate filling.

I'm writing a book about submarine warfare, it's under cover.

I'm writing a book about airplanes, it's really taking off.

I told my computer to be more spontaneous, now it won't stop crashing parties.

I'm reading a book about gardening, it's growing on me.

I told my wife she should become a baker, now our relationship is crumbling.

Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many division problems.

I'm writing a book about coffee, it's grounds for excitement.