Why did the coffee file a police report? It got grounded.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his queen.

I tried to write a joke about infinity... but it just goes on forever.

I told my wife she should try kickboxing... now she won't talk to me.

I told my wife she should do squats... now she won't talk to me.

I'm reading a book on famous architecture... it's riveting.

I told my wife she should do more cardio... she walked away.

I told my wife she should do more yoga... now she's mad at me.

I told my wife she should try pilates... she gave me the cold shoulder.

I told my wife she should do yoga to relieve stress... She hugged me, it worked.

I'm reading a book on gravity and I can't put it down.

I told my car to play music and it drove me to a concert.

I asked my phone for directions and it told me to turn left at the fork in the road... now I'm at a bakery.

I told my cat to stop scratching the furniture... now it's on strike.

I'm reading a book on time travel... I can't wait to start it.

I asked my dog how much he weighs... he said 'woof'.

I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was too time-consuming.

I told my bike it was two-tired... now it won't stop resting.

I asked my plant how it's doing... it said it's just branching out.

I'm friends with my microwave... we have a real heated relationship.

I told my computer a joke... It laughed its bytes off.