Why did the math book break up with the calculator? It found someone better at multiplication.

I told my wife she should take up fencing, now the neighbors won't talk to us.

I'm friends with a ladder, we climb up together.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dumplings.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his job.

Why did the musician break up with his piano? They just weren't in harmony.

I'm friends with a mirror, we reflect each other.

Why did the plant break up with the sun? It just couldn't handle the spotlight.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough quiche.

I told my wife she should try painting, now our walls won't stop talking.

I'm friends with a pen, we draw inspiration from each other.

I told my wife she should do more push-ups, now she won't leave the floor.

Why do bicycles fall over? Because they are two tired.

I told my wife she should do crunches, now she won't eat cereal.

I'm friends with a magnifying glass, we're really close.

I told my wife she should do planks, now she's a carpenter.

I'm friends with a lamp, we have a bright friendship.

I used to play tug-of-war with oysters, but they always shell out.

I told my wife she should stretch more, now she won't stop reaching for things.

Why did the tomato turn up to the party first? Because it couldn't ketchup.

I'm friends with a ladder, we go way back.