Why did the politician bring string to the debate? So he could tie up loose ends.

What do you call a politician in jail? A con-gressman.

Why couldn't the skeleton politician get re-elected? He didn't have the guts for it.

Why did the politician plant a tree? So he could promise to shake its hand every election season.

Why did the politician cross the road? To get to the lobbyists on the other side.

What do you get when you cross a politician and a lawyer? A liar.

Why did the politician go to the doctor? To get a dose of politicillin.

Why did the politician visit the bakery? They wanted to butter up the voters.

How do politicians stay active? They jump through hoops of legislation.

Why don't politicians make good detectives? They can't solve anything without a spin.

Why did the politician bring a broom to the campaign trail? To sweep the opposition away.

Why did the politician go to the pet store? They were looking for a political parrot.

How do politicians keep the peace? By signing non-aggression pacts.

Why did the politician join the orchestra? To conduct some shady deals.

Why did the politician become a gardener? They wanted to cover up all the dirt.

What do you call a politician's broken promises? Political liabilities.

Why don't politicians make good DJs? They can never stick to one track.

How do politicians handle stress? They filibluster.

Why did the politician carry a mirror to the debate? To reflect on their talking points.

What do you call a politician's cookbook? Pork barrel recipes.

What do you call a politician who sleeps all day? A government official.