Why did the politician bring a flashlight to the press conference? To shine a light on his shady deals.

Why do politicians always carry a pen and paper? To draw a line in the sand and then move it later.

What do you call a politician who can juggle three balls? A master of political spin.

Why did the politician bring a magnet to the campaign rally? To attract more votes.

Why don't politicians like to play hopscotch? They're always afraid of stepping on the wrong square and losing votes.

What do you call a politician who is also a gardener? A weed-whacker.

What do you call a politician who is always on the golf course? A sandbagger.

How does a politician say hello? With a handshake in one hand and a knife in the other.

Why was the politician always calm? He practiced the art of spin.

Why did the politician go to the doctor? To get his campaign trail.

Why did the politician go to the art exhibit? To see how to paint a rosy picture of his policies.

Why did the politician go to the beach? He heard there were a lot of swing states there.

Why did the politician only eat at buffets? Because he couldn't make a decision.

Why did the politician get a job at the bakery? To learn how to sugarcoat everything.

What's a politician's favorite type of math? Subtract the truth and divide the public opinion.

Why did the politician bring a ladder to the debate? He wanted to reach new heights of dishonesty.

Why did the politician go to the physiotherapist? He had a lot of back-pedaling to do.

What do you call 100 politicians at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Why did the politician bring a car door to the campaign? So he could roll down the window when he wanted to 'open up' to the public.

Did you hear about the politician who was a serial killer? He wanted to eliminate the competition.

Why did the politician go to art school? So he could master the art of 'drawing conclusions'.