How do politicians avoid getting lost? They always have a compass - someone to blame.

What do you call a politician who doesn't keep their promises? An amateur magician.

What's a politician's favorite type of weather? Spin.

Why did the politician become a chef? They wanted to learn how to cook the books.

How do politicians avoid making mistakes? They blame autocorrect.

Why did the politician carry a dictionary to the debate? To find new ways to twist their words.

How does a politician say goodbye? They wave with one hand and shake with the other.

What do you call a politician who's been in office for too long? A fossil.

Why was the math book sad during the election? It had too many problems to solve.

I told a politician a joke about transparency. He didn't get it - it wasn't clear.

Why do politicians make terrible DJs? They always pivot when things start to spin.

What's a politician's favorite type of cookie? Lie-butter.

Why was the politician upset at the baseball game? He heard they were pitching for the other team.

I asked a politician how he stays in shape during elections. He said, 'Lots of spin class.'

Why did the politician bring a ladder to the debate? He heard the stakes were high.

I asked a politician how he sleeps at night knowing he's corrupt. He said, 'Like a baby - I wake up every 2 hours crying.'

I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets. I guess he's finally found a way to keep his promises.

A politician is someone who will lay down your life for his country.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Did you hear about the politician who fell into the upholstery machine? He's fully recovered.

I asked a politician what his secret to success was. He said, 'It's classified.'