I'm friends with a mathematician. We really add up.

I'm friends with a gardener. We have a blooming friendship.

I used to be a barber, but it was a cutthroat business.

I'm friends with a lot of vegetarians. They don't have a beef with me.

I'm friends with a musician. We have great rhythm together.

Why did the scientist plant fungi in his garden? He wanted to grow a mushroom garden.

What do you call a chicken staring at a piece of lettuce? Chicken sees-a salad.

Why did the mathbook break up with the pencil? They weren't on the same page.

Why was the math book unhappy? It was having too many problems.

What happened to the guy who invented the door knocker? He won the Nobel Prize.

Why did the painter paint all the batteries? He wanted to charge the scene.

Why did the salad go to the art gallery? To get a good dressing.

Why was the grape so sad? Because it got squished!

I used to work at a bakery, but I could never make enough bread.

Why was the sky so gloomy? It had the blues.

Why did the candle break up with the match? It wasn't a perfect match.

I tried to make a hat out of newspapers, but it was yesterday's news.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough wheat bread.

Why did the baker take up gardening? He kneaded a change of pace.

I told my wife she should do sit-ups to stay in shape. She got up and left.

I'm addicted to collecting vintage bandages. I'm a first-aid hoarder.