I made a joke about boomerangs, but it didn't come back to me.

I tried to cook spaghetti, but it was a real noodle-scratcher.

I told my friend she should write puns for a living, it's a real word job.

I used to be an electrician, but I couldn't resist making shocking puns.

I told my computer to stop going to sleep, but it just couldn't keep its eyes open.

I told my friend a joke about construction, but it was a bit concrete.

I told my wife she should do acrobatics to stay in shape. That would be a flip in the right direction.

I'm friends with a mathematician, he's always full of problems.

I told my computer I needed a break. It told me to ctrl-alt-delete my problems.

I'm friends with a tailor, he always seams like a nice guy.

I'm friends with a tree, we've always had a deep-rooted connection.

I used to sell computer parts, but I couldn't keep up with the drive.

I told my wife she should stop eating onions as they make her cry. She laughed. I laughed. The microwave laughed. I shot the microwave.

I'm reading a book on teleportation, so far it's going really well.

I wanted to be a vegetarian, but I just couldn't stop beefing it up.

Why do mathematicians love angles? Because they're always right!

I used to be a baker, but I kneaded a good laugh.

I'm trying to write a pun about a clock, but it takes too much time.

I used to work at a bakery, but the job was just too crumby for me.

Why do skeletons always tell the truth? Because they have nothing to hide!

Why was the calendar always depressed? It had too many days.