I opened a bakery for dogs, but it was a ruff business.

I tried to write a book about bread, but it was too loafer-centric.

I joined a bread-making class, but it was kneadless to say, I wasn't very good.

Why did the baker become a boxer? He knew how to roll with the punches.

I heard the best time to buy a clock is when it's 'tocking' low.

Why was the grape so angry? It was feeling 'wine-y.'

I'm friends with a coat hanger. We go way back.

I'm friends with a dictionary. We have a lot of words.

Why was the bicycle upset? It was two-tired.

I'm friends with a refrigerator. Our friendship is cool.

I told my computer I needed a break, so it suggested I hit the escape key.

I'm friends with a tree. We have a trunk call every day!

I'm friends with a talking cow. She always has a good moosage!

I'm friends with a pair of socks. They're a great duo!

I told my computer I needed more memory. It replied, 'I forget'.

I'm friends with a mathematician who's in denial. He refuses to believe he exists!

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Ghosts like to ride elevators because it lifts their spirits.

If you're struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas, get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

I'm reading a book on teleportation, but I'm not there yet.