I'm friends with a door, but it always opens up to me.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful musician? He was outstanding at playing the field.

I'm friends with a calendar, but we're always running out of time.

I'm friends with a comedian, but he always cracks me up.

I was going to be a baker, but I couldn't find my recipe.

I used to be a tailor, but I couldn't seem to measure up.

Why did the hipster drown? He went ice skating on thin ice before it was cool.

I'm friends with an elevator, but it always lets me down.

Why did the paper go to the doctor? It was feeling sheet.

I wanted to be a pastry chef, but I couldn't handle the pressure.

I'm friends with a bee, but it always buzzes off.

Why did the diary go to therapy? It needed to get its thoughts out.

I wanted to be a baker, but I couldn't find my batter half.

I used to be a banker, but I couldn't keep my balance.

Why did the computer have cold hands? Because it left its Windows open.

I told my friend a joke about a pencil, but it was pointless.

I'm friends with a chef, but we always have beef.

I told my computer a joke, but it had no sense of humor. It just had a motherboard.

I'm thinking of taking up meditation. It's just a thought though.

I'm friends with a pencil, our friendship is write on.

I used to be a fisherman, but I couldn't net any catches.