Why did the computer break up with the printer? It felt like it was always getting jammed up.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said, 'Yes, about having a clean house.'

My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more spontaneous, so I randomly bought her a cactus. She still hasn't forgiven me.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type at all.

Why did the geologist break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't handle the pressure.

I used to believe in love at first sight, but then I took a second look.

Why did the bicycle break up with the motorcycle? They were tired of going in different speeds.

I tried to write a romantic poem for my girlfriend, but I forgot the words.

Why did the painter break up with his model? He couldn't picture a future together.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said, 'Yes, about being with someone else.'

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said, 'Yes, about living in a world where you do the dishes.'

My girlfriend is like a fine wine. She's getting better with age, while I'm just getting drunk.

Why did the music teacher marry the conductor? They were in perfect harmony.

I asked my girlfriend how she likes her eggs in the morning. She replied, 'Unfertilized.'

Why did the cookie break up with the milk? They were just too crumbly together.

Why did the pillow break up with the blanket? Too much emotional baggage.

Why did the plant break up with the sun? It needed some shade.

Why did the dog break up with the bone? It was tired of the same old chew.

Why did the mountain break up with the hill? It needed a peak experience.

Why did the musician break up with their metronome? They were tired of being under constant pressure.

Why did the cheese break up with the wine? They parted on a 'grate' note.