My wife told me I need to be more romantic. So I bought her a chicken parm sub, her favorite.

Why did the man break up with the ocean? He said their relationship was going nowhere.

My boyfriend said he wanted a partner who could finish his sentences. So I bought him a speech therapist.

Why did the man break up with his shoes? They were sole mates.

My wife said I never buy her flowers. So now I always carry a shovel with me, just in case.

Why did the man break up with the internet? It had too many tabs open.

My boyfriend said he wanted to be more spontaneous. So I broke up with him out of the blue.

Why did the woman break up with the grape? It was always raisin' a bunch of problems.

I asked my husband to help me with the laundry. He replied, 'Sure, you wash, I'll wear.'

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? He couldn't handle her bony attitude.

My wife told me I should do more yoga. I said, 'Namaste right here on the couch.'

Why did the couple go to therapy? They needed help communicating in emojis.

Why did the man bring a map on his date? He wanted to take their relationship to new territories.

My wife asked me if she was the only one I've ever been with. I said, 'Yes, the others were all sevens and eights.'

Why did the man buy his girlfriend a watch? Because he couldn't wait for her to be on time.

I asked my partner to spice things up in the bedroom. He brought me a black peppercorn.

Why did the man take a pencil to his first date? He heard it was important to draw boundaries.

Why did the man break up with his dentist? He decided they weren't a good match.

My girlfriend said she wanted to sleep on a bed of roses, so I sprinkled rose petals all over the bed. She's very upset now.

I told my wife she should do more squats. She said, 'Butt out.'

Why don't scientists trust atoms when they form bonds? They make up everything.