My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.

I told my girlfriend she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

I just ended a long-term relationship with a woman from Alaska. It was doomed from the start. We were just icebreakers.

I'm in a long-distance relationship. My girlfriend lives in the future.

Why are relationships like flowers? If you don't water them, they wilt.

My boyfriend said he'd stop drinking when pigs fly. Looks like he'll be sober for a while with that swine flu going around.

I used to date a baker, but she broke up with me. She said I kneaded to stop loafing around.

Why did the man break up with his internet date? She wasn't his type.

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted to get married on the 14th of October. Turns out she was dead Sirius.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock? It felt like the timing was off.

Why did the music teacher break up with the conductor? They were always out of tune.

Why did the mathematician break up with the statistician? They just couldn't find the right equation.

Why did the tree break up with the sun? The relationship was too shady.

Why did the lamp break up with the light bulb? It was tired of being overshadowed.

Why did the turtle break up with the snail? It was tired of the slow relationship.

Why did the chef break up with the baker? They kneaded some space.

Why did the gardener break up with the florist? They just didn't plant on the same future.

Why did the fish break up with the seahorse? It felt like it was swimming in the wrong direction.

Why did the photographer break up with the painter? They just couldn't see eye to lens.

Why did the pirate break up with the mermaid? He got tired of her constantly clamoring for attention.

Why did the painter break up with the sculptor? They couldn't draw the line in their relationship.