Why was the calendar lonely? Because its days were numbered.

Why did the woman bring a ladder to her date? She heard he was looking for a step up.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired from all the drama.

Why did the math book look sad at the party? It had too many problems to solve.

Why did the cell phone break up with the GPS? It couldn't find direction in the relationship.

Why did the couple go to the seafood restaurant? They wanted to scale things up.

What did the romantic light bulb say to its partner? You light up my life.

Why did the music teacher break up with the drummer? They were always off beat.

Why did the scientist break up with the biologist? They couldn't find a cell in the relationship.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear, just like my boyfriend!

Why did the cowboy break up with the cowgirl? She couldn't handle his yee-haws.

Why did the baker propose to the baker's assistant? He knew they were meant to be kneaded together.

Why did the grape file for divorce? It couldn't deal with the raisin' the kids.

Why did the pencil break up with the eraser? It felt rubbed the wrong way.

What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.

Why did the two vegetables go to couples therapy? They couldn't find common ground.

What did the paper say to the pencil? You've got a good point.

Why did the tomato start dating the prune? Because it couldn't find a date.

Why did the music teacher go to jail? For fingering A minor.

What did the cell phone say to the charger? You charge me up.

Why did the scarecrow break up with the cornfield? It was a-maize-ing at first, but things just couldn't stalk.