My girlfriend said she wanted a diamond for our anniversary. So I bought her a deck of cards.

Why did the plant break up with its partner? They were just too rooted in their ways.

I told my wife she should do yoga to relax. She told me to namast'ay away from her.

Why did the firefighter break up with their partner? They kept putting out the flames of passion.

I asked my husband if he wanted to hear a joke about plants. He said, 'I'm fern-ed.'

Why did the tailor break up with their partner? It was just sew-sew.

I told my wife she should open up more. She handed me a can opener.

Why did the train conductor break up with their partner? They were always off track.

Why did the drummer break up with their partner? They couldn't find the right rhythm anymore.

Why did the dentist break up with their partner? They were always picking at their faults.

I asked my wife if she wanted a treat. She said yes, so I surprised her with divorce papers.

Why did the electrician break up with his girlfriend? They just couldn't find a spark anymore.

I told my husband he should be more aggressive in bed. He started going after the spiders.

I asked my wife if she wanted a joke about pizza. She said, 'I never sausage a thing.'

Why did the tailor break up with his girlfriend? She kept needling him about his sewing skills.

Why did the librarian break up with the author? He had too many checked out books.

I told my boyfriend we should go on a date to the zoo. He said he already spends enough time with a wild animal.

Why did the grape break up with the raisin? He couldn't handle her current dried-out state.

I asked my wife why she always packs a parachute. She said she needs an exit strategy.

I tried to surprise my girlfriend with a trip to the Bahamas, but I accidentally booked us a flight to 'Mama's house'.

Why did the actors break up? They just couldn't find their stage chemistry off-screen.