I told my girlfriend she should treat me like a king. Now she demands I dress like Elvis every time we go out.

I told my girlfriend she should focus on self-improvement. So now she's dating a motivational speaker.

My husband said he'd never forget our anniversary. Then he asked me what day it was.

I asked my boyfriend if he noticed anything different about me. He said I looked like I spent too much time on Pinterest.

I tried to plan a romantic getaway with my wife, but we ended up arguing about which direction to fold the map.

I told my husband I wanted to feel like a princess on our anniversary. So he gave me a tiara and told me to go clean the castle.

I asked my boyfriend if he saw our relationship lasting forever. He said he hopes I mean like a good pair of jeans, not a bad tattoo.

My wife said we need to start having date nights again. So I booked us a reservation at the laundromat.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go out for Valentine's Day. She said no, she prefers staying in with her one true love - Netflix.

I told my boyfriend he should be more affectionate. Now he introduces me as his 'Netflix and chill partner'.

I love my job at the juice factory. I find it so refreshing.

My boyfriend got me a fridge for my birthday. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

The best way to get your wife's attention is to start a conversation with 'I don't understand.'

Why did the scarecrow break up with the corn? It wasn't his type.

I recently took up speed dating. A match made in five minutes.

My boyfriend said he wanted a woman who could keep him on his toes. So I bought him high heels.

Why did the nail polish break up with the nail? It felt like it was always getting painted into a corner.

I told my wife she should start a garden. She said, "No thanks, I don't have the thyme."

Why did the scarf break up with the coat? It felt suffocated in the relationship.

I told my wife she should consider doing stand-up comedy. She said, "No thanks, I prefer sitting down."

Why did the shoes break up? They just couldn't walk a mile in each other's soles.