I'm reading a book on the psychology of romantic relationships. It's by Dr. I. M. Single.

I asked my boyfriend if he had any hidden talents. He said, 'Yes, I can make our relationship disappear in a blink of an eye.'

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I'm too obsessed with astronomy. What planet is she on?

Why did the pencil break up with the eraser? Because it couldn't erase the mistakes in their relationship.

I told my husband he should quit his job as a personal trainer. He asked why. I said, 'Because most of your clients end up single after working with you.'

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave them all a hug.

My boyfriend said I should do more lunges. So today I tried to just 'lunge' for the remote.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes. All the revenue we would make if I were dead.

My wife gets mad when I use her toothbrush without asking. But come on, they're all the same - how was I supposed to know it was hers?

My girlfriend said she wanted to go on a date to a fancy restaurant. I told her to pick one, we can't go to both.

My wife said she's leaving me due to my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

My husband told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. Today, I couldn't move a step forward.

My girlfriend asked me to play hide and seek. I'll never tell her the spot I found in the bar to hide.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said, 'Yes, to be more specific, about single me.'

My wife said she wanted just one of us to be the fun parent. She should've been more specific.

My girlfriend said she wanted a break and I should check on her later. So I'm off to buy her some Kit Kats.

Why did the muscle break up with the gym? It just wasn't working out.

Why did the snowman call his girlfriend? She was his ice queen.

Why did the baker break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't handle his loaf life.

Why did the math textbook break up with the history textbook? They couldn't see eye to pi.

How did the couple who met on a dating app break up? They unmatched.