I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a romantic hike. She said, 'I'll pass, I prefer to walk alone.'

Why did the cell phone break up with the charger? It felt too tied down.

I asked my wife if she wanted to visit Iceland. She said, 'Nah, I already thawed out.'

Why did the coffee break up with the cup? It couldn't handle the pressure.

Why did the avocado propose to the onion? Because it knew they'd make a great guac together.

Why did the sea turtle break up with the land turtle? It needed more space in the relationship.

My boyfriend said he wanted a vintage relationship. So I stopped answering his texts.

Why did the bookends break up? They just couldn't seem to find common ground.

I told my boyfriend he should stop playing video games. He said, 'But baby, you're my player two.'

Why did the snowman break up with his girlfriend? She was too cold-hearted.

My husband asked me to stop singing 'Sweet Child O' Mine.' I said, 'Welcome to the jungle.'

Why did the sunflower break up with the rose? It felt overshadowed in the relationship.

Why did the man break up with his GPS? It kept telling him to make a U-turn in the relationship.

Why did the couple go to therapy? They couldn't handle their baggage anymore.

My boyfriend asked me to stop playing Tetris. I told him, 'I'll block you out like a line.'

I told my girlfriend she should do some squats. She said, 'I can't. My knees are weak for you.'

Why did the fireman break up with his girlfriend? She was too hot to handle.

What did the paper say to the pencil? I dot my i's on you because you complete me.

What do you call a bear without a date to the dance? A bear-y lonely creature.

What did the chef say to his date? You're the missing ingredient in my recipe for love.

How did the dating site help the gardeners find love? By matching them based on their interest in tulips and daisies.