Why did the man marry the mushroom? He couldn't resist her fungi ways.

Why did the microphone break up with the speaker? It just couldn't handle the sound of their relationship.

Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend? She kept bouncing checks on their love.

Why did the man propose to the calendar? He wanted to date on a regular basis!

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't handle his dead jokes.

Why did the math book and the history book break up? They couldn't see eye to eye on the division of labor.

Why did the grape break up with the avocado? Because it was feeling grapey, not guacy.

Why did the mathematician break up with his girlfriend? He found someone better-suited to his angle.

Why did the man buy his girlfriend a watch? Because he wanted to spend every second with her.

Why did the clock break up with the watch? It was tired of second-guessing everything.

What did the painter say to his girlfriend after proposing? I want to brush up on our relationship.

Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher? They could never find the right chemistry.

What did the sewing machine say to the needle? I'm so darn happy to be in a relationship with you.

Why did the man bring a ladder to the relationship? He wanted to take it to the next level.

What do you call a bear without a date on Valentine's Day? A lone bear.

Why did the book go to couples therapy? It had too many unresolved issues.

What did one pickle say to the other pickle on their wedding day? You mean everything to me.

Why did the lettuce break up with the broccoli? It couldn't handle the roughage.

Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend? She started losing interest.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive dating history? A suitor-lophus.

Why did the tree break up with the hammock? It couldn't hold things together.