I have a job interview coming up, so naturally, I've already started practicing my 'what are your weaknesses' answer in the mirror.

I tried to take a selfie the other day, but my phone sent me a notification saying it ran out of storage space.

I signed up for a cooking class, but they had to kick me out because apparently, setting off the fire alarm every time isn't a good thing.

I decided to try online dating, but my profile got flagged for 'excessive self-deprecation'.

I'm the person who always forgets someone's name right after they introduce themselves, so I just avoid saying their name altogether.

I'm the kind of person who always manages to burn microwave popcorn, no matter how closely I watch it.

I'm the type of person who always gets the lyrics wrong to every song, but sings confidently anyway.

I'm the kind of person who always gets caught taking a selfie by accidentally opening the front camera.

I'm so bad at telling jokes, I once tried to tell a knock-knock joke and forgot the punchline before they could even respond.

I'm the type of person who always trips over my own words in a conversation, even when I rehearse beforehand.

I'm so bad at gardening, I once killed a succulent just by looking at it.

I'm so bad with money, I think a savings account is just a fancy way to hide my spending habits.

I'm not great at cooking, I once burned water.

I'm the kind of person who can never find their keys, even when they're in my hand.

I'm not the best at multitasking, I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time.

I'm not a morning person. In fact, I'm more of a 11am with a strong coffee kind of person.

I'm so bad at directions, my GPS sends me a sympathy card after every trip.

I'm not saying I'm forgetful, but I once lost my car keys while they were in my hand.

I have a special talent for spilling food on myself in the fanciest of restaurants.

I'm the kind of person who breaks a sweat from just thinking about exercising.

I'm not great at sports. The only time I score is when I play solitaire.