I'm like a magnet for embarrassing moments, it's almost like I seek them out.

I'm not just a bad dancer, I could probably qualify as a fire hazard on the dance floor.

I'm so clumsy, my nickname should be 'Oops.'

I'm proof that not all heroes wear capes... some of us wear mismatched socks.

I'm the only person who can make a bad decision in a choose your own adventure book.

I have the memory of a goldfish, but not the charming personality.

I'm the one person who can mess up ordering a plain cheese pizza.

I'm like a broken record player, constantly skipping a beat.

I'm the reason why 'close enough' is my mantra.

My dancing is so bad, I make Elaine from Seinfeld look like a professional.

I'm the reason why 'winging it' was invented.

I'm like a plant, not much happens when I'm left alone in a room.

I make procrastination look like a skill.

I'm the only person who manages to lose at solitaire.

I'm not a fashion icon, I once wore mismatched socks to an important meeting.

I'm not a great singer, I once caused a karaoke machine to malfunction just by opening my mouth.

I'm not a party animal, I once fell asleep at my own birthday party.

I'm not a handyman, I once tried to fix a leaky faucet and ended up flooding the bathroom.

I'm not a morning person, I once accidentally put my alarm clock in the refrigerator instead of hitting snooze.

I'm so bad at parking, I once parked in a 'compact only' spot and couldn't get out of my car.

I'm not athletic, the only race I could win is a race to the buffet table.