I'm so forgetful, I could plan my own surprise party and still forget to show up.

I'm not a night owl or an early bird. I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

I once locked myself out of my car and then tried to unlock it with the car keys app on my phone.

I'm great at making plans. Just not at following through with them.

I'm so bad at drawing, stick figures avoid me.

I'm so bad at technology, I struggle to change the TV channel.

I'm so unathletic, I get winded just watching a marathon on TV.

I'm so unlucky, I could trip over a wireless network.

I'm so bad at video games, I lose to the tutorial level.

I'm so bad at dancing, I make a three-legged horse look graceful.

I'm so uncool, I make nerds look trendy.

I'm so bad at technology, I accidentally called my boss using the calculator app.

I'm so bad at dancing, even my two left feet don't get along.

I'm so disorganized, I once lost my keys in my hand.

I'm so lazy, I have a gym membership just for the free Wi-Fi.

I'm so awkward, even my reflection avoids eye contact.

I'm so clumsy, I have to make sure I have a first aid kit nearby whenever I try to cook.

I asked my mirror who's the fairest of them all and it showed me a picture of a potato.

I tried to look cool by wearing sunglasses, but ended up looking more like a confused fly.

I have a love-hate relationship with my bed. I love it in the morning and hate it at night.

My plants are the only ones that truly understand my dedication to killing them.