I have a terrible memory, I once forgot my own birthday.

I tried to be a stand-up comedian, but I kept sitting down to avoid the embarrassment.

I'm like a human GPS - I take you in circles and never really get you anywhere.

I once got lost in my own neighborhood... and I've lived there for 10 years.

I'm such a bad driver, I make the insurance company send thank you cards.

I'm so forgetful, I could use a sticky note to remind me to use sticky notes.

I'm not lazy, I'm just energy efficient in conserving it for future use.

I'm the type of person who would trip over a wireless connection.

I have a talent for procrastination... I'll tell you more about it tomorrow.

I recently found out that I'm allergic to exercise... every time I start, I break out in sweats.

I tried to become a morning person... but I'm not a morning person.

They say laughter is the best medicine... my jokes must be curing the world.

I'm not old, I'm just young at heart... and old in every other part.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm definitely the dullest.

I'm so bad at technology, I still struggle with touchscreens.

I'm so bad at cooking, my microwave judges me.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I can't even talk and walk at the same time.

I'm so bad at budgeting, I consider rolling coins a financial strategy.

I'm so bad at dancing, I look like a scarecrow trying to do the robot.

I'm so bad at parking, I once parked on the sidewalk and got a ticket.

I'm so bad at cleaning, I once found a sock under my pillow.