My WiFi password used to be my self-esteem level, but now it's just 'error'.

I'm not saying I'm a hypochondriac, but I did start following WebMD on Twitter.

I asked my mirror why I'm always single, and it replied, 'You're too much of a catch for anyone to handle.'

I was feeling down about my appearance, so I decided to treat myself to a spa day. The therapist said, 'No, we only work on humans here.'

I tried to do a stand-up comedy routine about my life, but everyone thought it was a tragedy instead.

I signed up for a dating app, and the first message I received was, 'Are you sure you're not a catfish? Because you seem too good to be true.'

I went to the store to buy some self-confidence. They were all out, but the cashier told me I wouldn't need it anyway.

I was feeling good about myself until I tried to touch my toes and realized I can barely reach my knees.

I went to a museum and they asked me not to touch the exhibits. I told them not to worry, my self-esteem is fragile enough without validation.

I'm not overweight, I'm under tall.

I walked past a group of teenagers and one of them said, 'Hey, isn't that your grandpa?' I just turned up my hearing aid and kept walking.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, 'Not yet, but we're still considering it.'

I tried to do a cartwheel and ended up doing a side-flip into a bush.

I used a dating app and the only match I got was with my therapist.

I told my reflection that it's always there for me. It replied, 'Yeah, unfortunately.'

I applied for a job and they asked for a self-assessment. I told them I'm a great multitasker because I can procrastinate and stress about deadlines all at once.

I went to a yoga class and the instructor told me to relax. I replied, 'This is my relaxed face.'

I watched a scary movie alone and thought I could handle it. Then I heard a noise and ended up hiding under my bed.

I tried to do a handstand and ended up doing a face-plant instead.

I told my friend I was starting a skincare routine. They said, 'You might need a forklift for that.'

I asked my mirror why I was feeling down. It replied, 'Because I have to look at you every day.'