I'm so bad at dating, I got friend-zoned by a dating app.

My cooking is so bad, my smoke alarm cheers me on.

I'm such a klutz, I tripped over a wireless network.

My wardrobe is so outdated, even ghosts don't want to haunt me.

I'm so uncoordinated, I can trip over a cordless phone.

I'm so forgetful, I put the 'grand' in 'grandparent.'

I'm so nonathletic, I can't even dodge a question.

I'm so disorganized, I once lost a pencil while it was in my hand.

I'm so bad at singing, my karaoke machine skips to the next song.

I'm so awkward, I make emojis look expressive.

I'm so bad at telling jokes, I have to Google 'how to be funny.'

I'm so clumsy, I once tripped over a wireless router.

I went to a party and accidentally became the designated driver... for everyone's phones.

I tried to take a mirror selfie, but my reflection ran away in horror.

I thought about going on a diet, but then I remembered I have no self-control around desserts.

I signed up for a speed reading class, but I'm still on the first page of the textbook.

I'm so bad at growing plants, I killed a cactus once.

I've tripped over my own feet so many times, I think they're out to get me.

I'm so forgetful, I once sent a birthday card to myself.

I'm not great at math, but I can definitely count all the ways I've embarrassed myself in public.

I'm pretty sure my dog only follows me to the bathroom because she thinks I'm a leaky faucet.