I started a new diet where I only eat the recommended serving size. Turns out, that serving size is a lot smaller than I thought.

I'm so bad at cooking, I burnt toast and set off the smoke alarm.

I'm so unathletic, I once got tired just watching a workout video.

I'm so uncoordinated, I accidentally high-fived myself.

I'm so bad at technology, I once deleted an important email while trying to reply.

I'm so bad at singing, I once shattered a glass with my voice.

I'm so bad at math, I once tried to split a bill and ended up paying twice as much.

I'm so bad at sports, I once got a cramp from watching a marathon on TV.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I can't even listen to music while reading.

I'm so bad at exercising, I once got lost on a treadmill.

I'm so bad at art, I once drew a self-portrait and scared myself.

I'm so bad with money, I once paid for something and forgot to take the item with me.

I'm so bad at technology, I once tried to take a selfie and accidentally called 911.

I'm so bad at cooking, I once set the microwave on fire while trying to heat up leftovers.

I'm so unathletic, I once injured myself trying to touch my toes.

I'm so bad at directions, I once drove in circles for an hour trying to find a parking spot.

I'm so bad at singing, I once serenaded my cat and it ran away.

I'm so bad at DIY projects, I once painted a room and got more paint on myself than on the walls.

I'm so clumsy, I tripped over my own shadow and apologized to it.

I'm so bad at being punctual, I once showed up early to a party...the next day.

I once tried to impress someone by cooking a fancy meal and ended up burning the microwave popcorn.