I'm so bad at public speaking, I once mixed up my notes and gave someone else's speech.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I once tried to walk and chew gum at the same time and ended up tripping.

I'm so clumsy, I once dropped my keys down a sewer grate while trying to unlock my car.

I'm so bad at directions, I once turned left when I was supposed to turn right and ended up driving in circles all afternoon.

I'm so bad at gardening, I once killed a houseplant by giving it too much love.

I'm so bad at technology, I once tried to scroll down a paper magazine.

I'm so bad at parking, I once parked so crooked I blocked two spots.

I'm so lazy, I once took the elevator to go up one floor.

I'm so bad at writing, I once spelled my own name wrong.

I'm so clumsy, I once tripped over absolutely nothing.

I'm so forgetful, I once forgot my own phone number.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I once fell asleep while brushing my teeth.

I'm so bad at impressions, I once got mistaken for a dial-up modem trying to imitate a bird call.

I'm so bad at planning, I once scheduled two appointments at the same time and tried to clone myself to attend both.

I'm so bad at geography, I once thought Rhode Island was an actual island.

I'm so terrible at jokes, I once got booed by a group of toddlers.

I'm so bad at directions, I once drove the wrong way on a one-way street.

I'm so bad at Instagram, I once accidentally posted a screenshot of my gallery.

I'm so unathletic, I once got a cramp from scrolling through Instagram too fast.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I once burnt dinner while ordering takeout.

I'm so out of shape, my Fitbit asked if I was still alive after 10 steps.