I'm not a quitter, I'm just easily distracted by shiny objects.

I'm not a neat freak, I just have a high regard for cleanliness.

I may not be the life of the party, but I'm definitely the awkward silence.

I'm not a people person, I'm more of a 'please don't talk to me' person.

I'm so bad at sports, I got winded just watching the Olympics.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once knocked over a display of breakable items just by walking past it.

I'm so bad with money, my wallet goes on a diet every week.

I'm so bad at singing, my voice is considered a form of torture in some countries.

I'm so bad at organization, I can't even keep track of my excuses.

I'm so bad at relationships, even my imaginary friends don't want to hang out with me.

I'm so bad at saving money, I consider a sale a personal attack.

I'm so bad at exercising, my Fitbit sends me a sympathy card every month.

I'm so out of shape, I can't even play hide and seek without getting winded.

I'm so uncoordinated, I once high-fived someone and missed.

I told my therapist that I have low self-esteem. He said, 'Don't be so hard on yourself, you're not that great.'

I recently got a mirror that tells me how amazing I am every morning. It's broken.

I tried to start a support group for people with low self-esteem, but nobody showed up.

I asked my wife if I was the man of her dreams. She said, 'You're more like a snooze button.'

I found out I have a photographic memory, but it never developed.

I tried to spice up my life, but then I realized that I'm boring even to spices.

I put myself on a pedestal once, but I fell off and landed on my face.