I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and she said 'You.'

I attempted to fix the leaky faucet in my bathroom, but ended up causing a monsoon in my house. DIY disaster at its finest.

I attempted to meditate and achieve inner peace, but my thoughts were louder than the sound bath meditation music.

I thought about becoming a gourmet chef, but then remembered that my specialty is a well-done burnt toast.

I thought I could pull off a DIY haircut, but now I’m rocking a look that says 'Oops, I did it again.'

I tried to impress my crush with my dancing skills, but it turned into a dance battle with my own two left feet winning.

I thought about pursuing a career in modeling, but then I remembered the camera adds ten pounds... Or maybe that's just me.

I always feel like I'm running late, even when I'm early. Maybe I should just set my clocks ahead by 2 hours and call it a day.

I told myself I was going to make a salad for dinner, but ended up eating pizza instead. Guess I’m a pro at tossing away my healthy choices.

I asked myself for some fashion advice, and now I'm wearing socks with sandals. Thanks, me.

I signed up for a marathon, but then remembered I get winded just climbing stairs. Guess I’ll stick to Netflix marathons.

I tried to impress myself with my cooking skills, but ended up burning water. Who knew that was even possible?

I told myself I would start working out, but now all I do is work out the perfect angle for my selfies.

I thought about joining a support group for procrastinators, but I'll probably do it later.

I once tried to teach myself how to juggle, but I dropped the ball - literally.

I told myself I could make the perfect soufflé, but I think I peaked at making cereal.

I tried to set a new personal record at the gym, but then I remembered I left my record-breaking abilities in my other pants.

I thought about starting a band, but then realized my shower singing may not be Grammy-worthy.

I asked myself for advice on love, and now I’m taking romantic tips from my plants.

I tried to impress a date with my guitar skills, but they quickly asked me to stop serenading them.

I thought about becoming a stand-up comedian, but then realized my jokes are more of a sit-down-and-frown variety.