I'm so uncoordinated, I once tripped over my own shadow.

I'm so bad at telling jokes, even my reflection groans.

I'm so disorganized, I once lost my phone while talking on it.

I'm so forgetful, I once put my keys in the fridge and milk in the cupboard.

I'm so socially awkward, I make introverts look like party animals.

I'm so bad at taking selfies, my front camera automatically switches to landscape mode to fit my face.

I'm so bad at sports, even the referees feel sorry for me.

I'm so uncoordinated, I get winded just watching people exercise.

I'm so clumsy, I trip over my own thoughts.

I'm so unathletic, my Fitbit sends me condolence messages.

I'm so forgetful, I once searched for my phone while talking on it.

I asked my mirror for some advice and it just cracked up.

I told my reflection I was trying to improve myself, and it laughed so hard it turned into a funhouse mirror.

I tried to pat myself on the back for a job well done, but I missed and ended up hitting my own head.

I was once so broke, I walked into a bank just to apply for a loan and they offered me a pen instead.

They say laughter is the best medicine, so I must be really healthy because I constantly make myself laugh.

People always say I have a face for radio - guess that's why I never made it on TV.

I told a dad joke so bad, it made me lose my own kids at the grocery store.

I'm like a parking ticket – I have an expiry date and I never seem to be worth the money.

I was such a klutz that when I tried to make lemonade from scratch, I ended up squeezing my own eye.

I tried to organize a self-help group, but nobody ever showed up – not even me.