I tried to follow a makeup tutorial and ended up looking like a Picasso painting.

I tried to be cool and ended up freezing.

I signed up for a dating app and got matched with a bot. Even technology rejects me.

I applied for a job as a psychic but they already knew I wasn't going to get it.

I tried to play the lottery, but they said they don't accept IOUs.

I thought I was an optimist, turns out I was just delusional.

I went to a job interview and they asked about my weaknesses. I said 'Job interviews'.

I decided to take up yoga, but I'm already stressed about it.

I thought I had a great sense of humor, but my pet rock never laughs.

I'm so bad at budgeting, I once got a notice from the Monopoly bank.

I'm so bad at dancing, I was asked to leave a Zumba class.

I'm so bad at parallel parking, I once hit a parked car.

I'm so bad at chess, I once got a checkmate in two moves against myself.

I'm so bad at online shopping, I accidentally bought 1000 toilet rolls.

I'm so bad at social media, I once posted a status meant for my diary.

I'm so bad at karaoke, I was once asked to leave a karaoke bar.

I'm so bad at keeping secrets, I once forgot my own birthday.

I'm so bad at keeping track of time, I once missed my own appointment.

I'm so bad at fashion, my wardrobe consists of mainly mismatched socks.

I'm so bad at singing, even auto-tune can't fix my voice.

I'm so bad at budgeting, my bank account is like a black hole for money.