I'm so bad at math, even Siri gives up on trying to help me.

I'm the type of person who trips going up the stairs because I'm too busy looking at my phone.

I'm so forgetful, I once introduced myself to someone I had already met.

I'm so bad at gardening, I once killed a plastic plant.

I'm the kind of person who has to Google how to spell 'embarrassing' because I always get it wrong.

I'm the type of person who goes to a bar and orders a 'water on the rocks'.

I'm like a fridge - everyone sees me multiple times a day, but no one really knows what's inside.

I'm not saying I'm a procrastinator, but I still have Halloween decorations up from three years ago.

I'm like a detective trying to solve the case of my lost keys... and I'm the prime suspect.

I'm so bad at cooking, I burnt salad once.

My love life is like a rollercoaster - it goes round in circles and makes me dizzy.

I tried to learn a new language, but I can barely speak my own without stuttering.

I once tried to impress someone by telling them I was a great dancer. They replied, 'Oh, a comedian, huh?'

I have a black belt in online shopping and a white belt in actual exercise.

I wear so much black that when I do wear color, people assume I'm going to a funeral.

I'm like a computer with too many tabs open - constantly overwhelmed and slow to process information.

I'm so pale, I could be a vampire's favorite midnight snack.

I've spent more time talking to my pets than to actual humans.

I'm the person who buys a gym membership and never goes, but keeps the keychain as a reminder of what could've been.

If there was a contest for awkwardness, I'd probably win... or lose in a really awkward way.

I have a habit of overthinking everything - even this joke probably has a deeper meaning I'm missing.