I tried to take a selfie, but my phone immediately ran out of storage space.

I'm so bad at cooking, even my microwave refuses to work with me.

I signed up for a hot yoga class and left with a lukewarm sense of accomplishment.

I told a dad joke once and my child asked if I was going through a mid-life crisis already.

I tried to join a dance class but the instructor said, 'We're learning advanced moves, maybe start with walking.'

I thought I had a good sense of direction until I got lost in my own neighborhood.

I asked my friends to rate me on a scale of 1 to 10, they said I was a solid 5... out of 100.

I tried to impress my crush with my cooking skills, but then I found out I burn water.

I thought I was in good shape until I ran for the bus and needed a 2-hour nap to recover.

I tried to do a stand-up comedy routine, but the audience thought it was a sit-down tragedy.

I once tried to be the life of the party, but my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.

I went to a blind date and even my reflection in the mirror didn't show up.

I told my therapist that I feel like a failure. She said, 'Don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing a great job at failing.'

I'm so bad at decision-making that I can't even decide if I'm indecisive or not.

I tried to take a selfie but ended up taking an 'ugly' instead.

I went for a run and a passing car shouted, 'Keep going, you're almost there!' I was just starting.

I tried to cook a new recipe and ended up ordering takeout. Turns out, my smoke alarm is an excellent critic.

I'm not saying I'm awkward, but my hobbies include avoiding eye contact and practicing avoiding conversations.

I was so excited for my karaoke night until everyone started to leave during my first song.

I'm not saying I'm a hypochondriac, but I did diagnose myself with a Google search.

I was once told I have a face for radio and a voice for mime.