I have a black belt in online shopping, but a white belt in actually wearing the things I buy.

I tried to take up meditation, but my mind wandered off and never came back.

I’m like a Rubik's cube - it’s impossible to figure me out and I make most people frustrated.

I’m like a plant, I need a lot of attention but I still manage to wither away.

I’m so bad at adulting, I still feel like a kid playing pretend.

I’m like a dictionary - I provide a lot of definitions but never really get picked up.

I’m so awkward, I make penguins look socially adept.

I’m so bad at directions, even my GPS told me to just figure it out on my own.

They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but I’m more like a fish stuck in a tiny pond.

I'm so bad at math, even Siri won't help me with my calculations.

I'm so bad at online dating, I once got rejected by a spam email.

I'm so bad at technology, I still have trouble with the VCR.

I'm so bad at lying, I once got caught in a game of solitaire.

I'm so bad at video games, I once lost to the tutorial level.

I'm so bad at budgeting, I once bought a lottery ticket instead of groceries.

I'm so bad at singing, my voice cracked so loud I set off car alarms.

I'm so bad at directions, I once walked in circles trying to find my car in a parking lot.

I'm so bad at sports, my participation trophies come with a sympathy note.

I'm so bad at singing, my voice coach asked for a refund.

I'm so bad at fashion, I once got voted 'worst dressed' in my own closet.

I'm so bad at painting, I once tried to draw a stick figure and it looked like a tree.