Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!

How do you capture a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act nuts!

Why did the chicken bring string to the party? To tie one on!

Why did the clown bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!

Why did the tea bag get a job? Because it was outstanding in its field!

Why did the man stand on his wallet? He wanted to be a high roller!

Why did the cloud get a job? It was outstanding in its field!

What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bear-foot!

Why did the tomato join the circus? It wanted to be a juggling tomato!

What kind of bird can write? A penguin!

Why was the traffic light feeling sick? It had a green face!

How do you keep a fool busy? Turn this card over!

Why was the traffic light feeling so low? It just couldn't see itself in the mirror!

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner because it was just collecting dust!

I'm friends with a baker because he's a loaf of fun.

Why couldn't the tomato find love? It was always ketchup in its emotions!

How does the barber style his hair? He clips it short and makes the other hairs laugh!

Why did the frog take the bus? It was afraid to croak at the wrong time!

What do you call a confused ant? De-ant-ded!

Why did the golfer bring 2 pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one and then got a hole in two!

What happens to grapes when you step on them? They let out a little wine!