I tried to do a trust fall with my dog, but he walked away and left me flat on the ground.

I accidentally sat on my glasses and broke them. Now I can't see the punchline!

I wanted to be a tightrope walker, but I couldn't find my balance.

I attempted to do a handstand, but ended up doing a headstand by mistake.

I slipped on a banana peel and landed flat on my back - classic slapstick!

I'm reading a book on the human spine. It's very backbone of my studies.

Why did the tomato start a fight with the lettuce? He was feeling salad.

I walked into a bar and said 'Ouch.' It was a metal bar.

Why did the scarecrow win an award for his cooking? He was really good at using his noodle.

I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

I used to play in a band called Blank Page. We never really got anywhere.

I told the baker I wanted a roll with a kick. He bread my mind.

I have a split personality. One half of me is very cool and calm, the other half just wants to slap people.

I asked the gym instructor what to do to get firm abs. She said, 'Try dating!'

What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted rich smoothies!

What did one traffic jam say to the other? Sorry, I'm jam-packed!

Why did the scarecrow invite everyone to his party? He was outstanding in his field!

Why did the scarecrow break up with the wind? It was just blowing hot air!

What did the pencil say to the paper? You're the write one for me!

Why did the belt get locked up? It held up too many crimes!