What did the cup say to the saucer? You're my better half.

Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants in public.

What did the lightning bolt say to the storm cloud? You're a real shocker.

Why did the tomato turn red? It ripened.

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm bad at poetry, coffee.

I'm studying to become a locksmith. It's a key turning point in my life.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent.

They say the secret to humor is surprise. That's why I have trouble with anti-jokes.

I'm really good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

Why did the tomato go to the party alone? Because it was a loner.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was too tired.

What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Stop going in circles.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.

Why did the car break up with the gas station? It was getting pumped too often.

What did the lamp say to the table? Lighten up, it's just a joke.

Why did the math book fall asleep during class? It had too many Z's.

What did the grape say to the elephant? Nothing, grapes can't talk.

Why was the math test sad? It had too many problems to solve.

What did the chair say to the table? We've been together for years, but it's time to split.