What did one toothbrush say to the other toothbrush? My bristles are better than yours!

Why was the tomato blushing in the produce section? It saw the cucumbers!

What kind of crackers do plumbers like in their soup? Plumbers' crackers!

Why did the cell phone go to school? It wanted to improve its reception!

What did one mirror say to the other mirror? Objects in mirror are uglier than they appear!

Why did the gym coach go to the bathroom? To work on his fitness routine!

Why was the gym teacher always good at math? He knew how to crunch numbers!

What's the strongest creature in the sea? Mussel Crowe!

Why did the broom stop and turn around? It heard its mother was a sweepstakes winner!

Why did the toilet paper roll sideways? It wanted to change things up!

What's the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says 'chew chew!'

Why do golfers bring an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one!

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They finally woke up!

Why did the bird get in trouble at school? Because it was caught tweeting during class!

What did one wall say to the other wall with a door between them? Let's meet in the hallway!

Why did the germ start a band? It had bacteria vibes.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? It was on a roll.

What did the toilet say to the tissue? Let's get this party crackling.

Why did the soap get a job at the bank? It wanted to make a clean deposit.

What did the toilet say to the plumber? Thanks for being a real drain.

Why did the rubber ducky go to the car dealership? It wanted to trade up for a rubber car.