Why did the zombie break up with his girlfriend? She said he was too dead inside.

Why did the hipster drown? He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful musician? He was outstanding in his field.

Why did the vampire get hired as a dentist? He had great bite.

Why was the gardener always cold? Because he had a green thumb.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance? He had nobody to take him.

Why did the skeleton climb a tree? Because a dog was after his bones.

They say laughter is the best medicine, but no one's laughing when you're the pharmacist.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape the KFC bucket.

I invited my girlfriend to the cemetery for date night. She said it was dead cute.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

Have you heard about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

I named my dog 'Five Miles'. That way I can tell people I walk 'Five Miles' every day.

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

I asked the doctor if my heart was healthy. He said, 'No, it's falling apart.'

Why did the vampire open a restaurant? He wanted to suck the customers dry.

My wife told me she's leaving me because of my obsession with plants. I said, 'Aloe you vera much.'

I used to be a baker until I loaf my job. Now I'm just an uncrustworthy person.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. It got so bad, I had to take away his bike.

I asked the psychic how I would die. She said, 'I see you're part of a litter.'

I walked in on my parents making spaghetti and meatballs. It was an awkward meat-ting.