Why couldn't the coffin fit in the elevator? It was already going down.

Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap!

Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was a nice jester.

I tried to start a support group for people with social anxiety, but nobody showed up.

I heard Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

I went to a restaurant on the moon, but the food lacked atmosphere.

I painted my laptop black to make it run faster, but now it doesn't work.

I tried to make reservations at the library, but they were fully booked.

I asked the doctor if he had anything for my paranoia. He whispered, 'They're all out to get you.'

I can't decide if I should pursue a career in music or medicine. I guess I'll just play it by ear.

I told my wife she should be more optimistic. She said, 'Sure, what could possibly go wrong?'

I tried to start a comedy club for ghosts, but it was hard to find a venue that was dead enough.

My therapist told me I have a fear of large crowds. I think it's best if I avoid group therapy sessions.

I tried to organize a silent auction, but I found out it's really hard to get people to bid on mime costumes.

I asked the psychic if I'd win the lottery. She said, 'Sorry, I don't see that happening.' So I stole her crystal ball.

I tried to perform stand-up comedy at a cemetery, but I got ghosted by the audience.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She said, 'But they're so hard to hug.'

I heard playing musical chairs in a retirement home can get pretty intense. It's all fun and games until someone breaks a hip.

I asked the doctor to test my reflexes. He said, 'Sure, just stop kicking me.'

I tried to write a book on reverse psychology, but no one wanted to buy it.

I went to a seafood buffet and had a shell of a time. I think I over did it with the mussels.