What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off, and a mess.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies, because he's the clean-up crew.

Why does Peter Pan always fly? He neverlands.

What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue, to follow the family tradition.

Why was the broom late? It swept in, fashionably late of course.

What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta, and it's not even al dente.

Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants, and a bank heist.

What’s worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.

Why did the math book kill itself? It had too many problems to solve.

Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded to work on his self-loaf.

There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

Why don’t scientists trust themself? Because they changed their hypothesis too often.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite type of TV show? Game of Thrones.

What’s the best way to impress a girl? A barcode tattoo that scans to 'I'm rich'.

Why don't blondes use vibrators? They’re busy with the microwave.

Why don’t bunnies make noise during sex? Because they have cotton balls.

Why did the coffin go to therapy? It was feeling boxed in.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

What do you call a baby born during a power outage? A dark humorist.

What’s the difference between Hitler and a shoe? Shoes polish more than one.

Why did the pirate go to school? He wanted to improve his ‘Arrrrrrrrrrr’ grade.