Why did the blind man fall down the well? He couldn't see that well.

What do you call a toddler with a bowl cut? Socially acceptable to stare at.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.

Why did the farmer bring a shotgun to the barn? For a 'fowl' play investigation.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She tasted bitter.

What's the best way to kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

What did one coffin say to the other coffin? 'Is that you coughin'?'

Why did the non-stick pan go to therapy? It had commitment issues.

I tried to write a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

Why did the roaring lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal.

I told my therapist I have a fear of speed bumps. She told me to slowly get over it.

I asked my friend how his camping trip went. He said it was in-tents.

I told my wife she should take up jogging to reduce stress. She told me to run for my life.

Why do vampires never get sick? Because they are always coughin'.

Why don't vampires have many friends? Because they always suck the energy out of the room.

I asked the doctor for a second opinion on my wife's nagging. He said, 'You're also annoying.'

I told my wife she should consider becoming a gardener. She didn't have the seeds of success.

I asked the doctor if he could remove my wife's voice box. He prescribed noise-canceling headphones instead.

My wife accused me of being insensitive. I told her, 'You're pregnant, not the queen of England.'

Why did the butcher break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't make the cut.