Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his scare tactics.

Why did the ghost go broke? He couldn't make any moan-y.

Why did Death start a band? He had killer rhythm.

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She didn't have the stomach for their relationship.

Why did the vampire get hired as a circus performer? He was a real bat-talion.

Why do cemeteries have to keep their gates locked? Because people are dying to get in.

Why did the serial killer go to school? To get a better class of victims.

Why was the mortician always calm under pressure? He had a lot of body to handle.

Why did the mortician take up gardening? He wanted to bury his past.

Why did the man break up with his vampire girlfriend? She was always sucking the life out of him.

Why did the ghost go to the party? To raise the roof.

Why don't zombies like fast food? They can't catch it.

Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit.

Why don't witches live in Australia? There are too many broomsticks.

Why did the zombie join the army? He wanted to serve his country, one bite at a time.

Why did the witch join the debate team? She was always good at casting spells.

Why did the vampire read the dictionary? He wanted to improve his bite.

Why do vampires avoid dentists? They don't like getting fangs capped.

Why did the werewolf sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.

I told my wife she should watch her weight... She's been standing on the scale all day.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes - with her eyes wide open.