Why did the vampire's lunch get cold? Because it was a coffin sandwich.

Why did the cannibal go vegetarian? He didn't like being a people person.

Why don't skeletons shop at the mall? They don't have the stomach for it.

Why did the scarecrow get a job promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field of work.

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? She kept telling him he was too possessive.

Why did the vampire's lunch go missing? Because someone took a bite out of crime.

Why did the zombie get an A+ in school? He had a lot of brains.

Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank? He overdrew his account.

Why did the ghost get a job as a janitor? Because he could clean up any mess.

Why don't ghosts like to tell lies? You can see right through them.

Why was the ghost booed off stage? Because his performance was transparent.

Why did the zombie sign up for a cooking class? He wanted to learn how to bake brains.

Why was the ghost such a bad bartender? He could never keep his spirits up.

Why did the vampire become a poet? He had a lot of heartache to pour into his work.

Why did the skeleton become a detective? He was great at finding bones.

Why was the vampire always calm? He kept his cool under bloodcurdling situations.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't keep a conversation alive.

Why did the zombie go to the therapist? He wanted help with his dead-end relationships.

Why did the man dig a hole in the backyard? He wanted to try stand-up comedy.

Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the spirits.

Why did the zombie join the baseball team? He heard they needed a good pitcher.