Why did the man break up with gravity? It was just too heavy to handle.

Why did the chef get arrested? Because he beat the eggs until they were fluffy.

I tried to make a joke about wax figures, but it didn't seem to have a solid ending.

I was feeling down, so I bought a balloon. Now I'm feeling up.

I told my therapist I have an urge to kill people. He told me I need a hobby.

I was always told to chase my dreams. But when I do, I always end up being chased by nightmares.

I heard that laughter is the best medicine. That's why I laugh at funerals.

I'm friends with a cake. I have a lot of layers.

I asked my husband to put the cat out. He didn't. Now the house smells like barbecue.

I told my wife she should do a 360 for her own safety. That way she could walk away from me.

Why aren't ghosts good liars? Because you can see right through them.

Why was the baby strawberry upset? Its mom was in a jam.

Why did the burglar not steal from the bakery? He didn't want a crumby escape.

Why was the baseball team so bad? They always threw the game.

Why did the skeleton burp? It didn't have the guts to fart.

Why don't skeletons play music in church? They've got no organs.

What do you call a person with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because B-shells are too small.

I felt bad for the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw.

Why did the ghost go to the party? To add a little boo-ze.

Why don't ghosts play hide and seek? They always hide in the spirits section.