Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? He didn't find her very humerus.

Why did the zombie go to the party? He heard it was to die for.

Why did the clown go to jail? Because he was caught juggling the books.

Why did the lemon disown its daughter? She was too bitter.

Why was the broom late for work? It overswept and missed the bus.

I invited my wife to go for a run together. She said, 'I don't run from my problems.'

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She didn't have the guts for a real relationship.

I took my wife on a romantic date to the morgue. It didn't end well, she was dead serious about not coming back.

What's the best way to overcome a fear of heights? A shallow grave.

Why did the electrician break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't handle his shocking behavior.

I invited my wife to come to a scary movie with me. She said she already watches my life from the sidelines.

I told my wife to stop being so negative. She said, 'Okay.'

Why did the skeleton go to the nightclub? To find himself a 'body' to dance with.

I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet, but I'm sure it will happen eventually.

I told my wife she should appreciate the little things in life. Now she's dating her yoga instructor.

Why did the belt get arrested for pulling up a pair of pants in public? It was disturbing the peace.

Why did the scarecrow become an actor? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I donated blood today. It's not mine, and I didn't give it willingly, but I still did my part.

Why do zombies make terrible chefs? They are always craving brains.

What did the coffin say to the vampire? 'You suck! But not like me.'

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he ate his pizza before it was cool.