Why don't ghosts like to go on diet? They can't stomach the idea of losing weight.

I used to be a chef, but I lost my taste for it.

Why don't vampires enjoy playing baseball? They can't stand the sight of bats.

Why did the skeleton become a detective? It always cracked the case.

Why did the ghost become a gynecologist? It loved poking around.

Why do zombies make terrible teachers? They only have one lesson plan: BRAINS.

Why did the scarecrow become a motivational speaker? He was outstanding at corny jokes.

I used to be a plumber, but I couldn't handle the pressure.

Why don't skeletons fight each other in the Olympics? They don't have the guts for it.

Why did the ghost go to the bar? To find some spirits.

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She was too bony.

Why did the tomato go to therapy? It had issues with self-esteem.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? It was a cycle-path.

I used to be a watchmaker, but I couldn't find the time.

Why did the vampire start a comedy career? To try to lift his spirits.

Why did the scarecrow become a stand-up comedian? He always had the best material.

Why did the ghost go to therapy? It had unresolved issues from its past life.

Why did the tomato refuse to run for office? It had too much ketchup on its past.

I used to work at the zoo, but I kept getting caught monkeying around.

Why did the zombie join the cheerleading squad? He heard they had great spirit.

Why did the murderer break up with his girlfriend? He just wanted a clean slate.