I tried to book an appointment with my therapist, but he said he was fully booked with ghosts from the past.

Why did the assassin break up with his girlfriend? He needed some space.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated and spread in the ocean. Now she's eyeing up a boat.

I thought I'd give veganism a try, but it escalated quickly. Now I eat like a rabbit and carrot about my health.

I asked my doctor about my chest pain. He recommended I find a new workout partner.

I tried to make jokes about the electric chair, but they always end up shocking.

I told my wife I wanted to be buried in a coffin made of chocolate. She said she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off me.

I asked the coroner if he was coming to my birthday party. He said he had a corpse to attend to.

I thought about becoming a nun, but I didn't want to give up my bad habits.

I like my coffee like I like my humor... black and bitter.

I don't have a big ego, I just have a small self-esteem.

I asked the devil for a coffee, but he gave me only hell.

Why did the vampire get a job as a dentist? He loved to suck blood.

I told my therapist about my addiction to break jokes. She told me to take a pun-derful approach.

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. It was just a Fanta sea.

I invited my ex to a party and told her to dress up as herself. She didn't get the joke.

I tried to escape the escape room, but the door was locked and the key was missing. It was a real maze.

They say laughter is the best medicine. That’s why some of us die laughing.

I finally caved in and bought a thesaurus. It’s terrible, horrible, dreadful, horrendous.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I know I won’t get a reaction.

I told my wife she should strive for her dreams. So she divorced me and took the bed.