Why did the witch break up with her boyfriend ghost? He just wasn't 'ghoul' enough for her.

Why was the murderer always cool under pressure? He had a chilling demeanor.

Why did the cemetery hire a landscaper? They wanted to keep the place 'dead neat.'

Why did the cannibal go vegetarian? He couldn't stomach another human relationship.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She just couldn't handle his 'bloody' jokes.

Why did the serial killer break up with his girlfriend? She was always cutting him off mid-conversation.

Why was the zombie always hired as a security guard? He knew how to 'lose his head' in a crisis.

Why did the butcher break up with his girlfriend? She was always 'meating' new people.

Why was the werewolf always invited to parties? He knew how to 'howl' with laughter.

Why did the vampire refuse to donate blood? He was too selfish with his 'life savings.'

Why was the graveyard so popular for dates? It was a 'dead romantic' spot.

Why did the hitman break up with his girlfriend? She was always taking 'shots' at him.

Why was the ghost so bad at lying? You could always see right through him.

Why was the suicide bombing instructor so bad at his job? He always blew himself up.

Why was the serial killer always calm? He had a lot of 'killer' instinct.

Why was the graveyard so noisy? People were just dying to be heard.

Why did the clown go to therapy? He was tired of juggling his emotions.

Why did the hitman break up with his girlfriend? He was just too 'cold-hearted'.

I told my wife I'll stop drinking when she stops shopping. Looks like we'll both be wasted for a while.

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they're always up to something.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. That's pretty harsh. I had to put my foot down.