Jokes about morbid or controversial topics; not for everyone.
I told my therapist I had amnesia. He says, 'The bad news is you don't remember who you are. The good news is you're a terrific piano player.'
I asked the God of Thunder if he was feeling okay. He said he was a little Thor.
I told my wife she should do squats to stay in shape. She disappeared. She must have gone down in the dumps.
What's the best way to start a parade in Ethiopia? Roll a doughnut down the street.
Why did the farmer secretly bury all his money? He wanted cold hard cash.
What did the skeleton say before eating his meal? Bone appétit!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He heard they had top-notch dough.
Why did the girl bring a ladder to school? She heard high school was hard.
Why did the man sit on the clock? He wanted to be on time for his appointment with destiny.
Why don't vampires give to charity? Because they are selfish by heart.
Why did the coffin go to school? It wanted to be the head of the class.
Why did the serial killer bring a stopwatch to his murder spree? He wanted to kill time.
Why don't zombies ever go on vacation? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind too much.
Why was the scarecrow promoted? He was outstanding in his field of work.
Money really does grow on trees. Too bad ATMs don’t dispense apples.
Why don’t skeletons fight at church? They have too many bones to pick with each other.
What did the skeleton say before eating? Bone-appetit!
What's the difference between the Titanic and my dad? The Titanic only went down once.
Why did the chicken sit on the clock? To make eggs-tra time.
Why did the clown go to the doctor? He kept feeling funny.
Why did the witch join a dating site? She was looking for her 'boo'.